Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Some days I'm just not very patient. Beans

Hudson Valley Seed Company

Accord, NY 12404  845 204 8769


Business model #1:  Convince your customers to use 10 times as much of your product as is actually optimal.  Think toothpaste commercials.

Business model #2:  Steal from your customers.  The ones that notice, you apologize to and give them their money back; that ones that don’t notice, you keep the money. 

Business model #3:  Do any fucking thing to maximize your profits, there are plenty of new marks out there for you to scam tomorrow if you lose a customer today.


Dear Hudson Valley:  I’m trying to decide if you are # 1, #2, #3, or all of the above.    Please explain to me which of these descriptions of your company is correct.

On your package instructions (Silver Cloud Cannellini) you suggest that I plant your beans 1 inch apart (plants that are advertized as being 20 inches high and should be 24 inches apart at maturity). You suggest that I thin the unneeded plantlets.  Either you expect less than 7% germination (abysmal to say the least), or you want me to throw away 92% of the seeds I bought from you after they’ve sprouted.  That’s assuming that I start with 24 inch rows (one inch apart if literally adhered to would use up your package of 150 seeds up in a bed 12 inches by 12 inches, meaning I should thin down to ONE plant).

 Now before you laugh, or write me off as a sucker deserving of your scam because I’m stupid, please consider that I’m an experienced gardener of more than 50 years, and that I have a masters degree in biology.  

What I’m not is someone who will follow your business model no matter whether it is #1, #2, or #3.  So if it isn’t one of those, stop suggesting that your customers waste seed like tooth paste.  

Really, one inch apart; on what planet?

P.S. you needn't thank me for the free publicity.

No comments:

Post a Comment